Madeira, Oh My Dear ah!

Oh my Deara.  No, that’s not right.  Madeira, that’s what I meant to say.  But oh, m’deara, what a difference you’ve made to me.   The first thing to know about my trip to Madiera is that I arrived there by boat, having not seen land for five days straight and though our Trans-Atlantic crossing was free of incident and full of beautiful glass top seas, dolphins and whales, the first sight of sea birds filled our hearts with joy knowing that land could not be too far away.  For unlike the other passengers aboard our vessel, I was working and losing an hour of sleep each day.  The guests, who slept in each morning and spent their leisure time by the pool used to say to me on a bit too regular basis, “I always see you.  What, do you work 24 hours a day?”  And I could honestly reply, “Nope, only 23.”  This response garners the occasional chuckle, and sometimes a disdainful sideward glance as they try and figure out whether my insubordination is worthy of a corporate level smackdown.  Sorry, the lack of land is getting to everyone, even those on vacation, but after what seems like a little too long to avoid a Man Overboard, they laugh and give a little nod of solidarity.   I was also still recovering from the shock of my impending divorce, willing myself to find land with the firm assumption that life would improve when my feet hit terra firma in the Mediterranean and was still trying to overcome my current f*ck you attitude which was on the brink of landing me in cruise line fantasy jail.  My friends could see I was badly in need of an intervention.    

Madeira is a little Portuguese island which dates back to the 15^th century when it was discovered by sailors.  With its moderate climate, it attracts visitors year round and is famous for many things, not the least of which is a massive per capital income, the second richest in the region after Lisbon.  There is a list a mile long of things to see and do, enough to occupy a week to a month of leisure time.  But my visit was the briefest of brief, lasting only a few hours.  And I was coming off a very difficult turn, so I was determined to make the most of the day and have a lark of a time doing it.  Now I have grown quite accustomed and comfortable with the notion of travel by myself, something that is an acquired taste, but I highly recommend giving it a whirl.  But on this occasion, I had one of my best friends with me, another like-minded (read cheap and broke) theatre type who wanted to hit the must-sees on a budget. 

We met at the dock, my checklist in hand and headed out.  According to the chirpy tour director talks which run non-stop on a loop aboard the ship there are five things you must do, see and try while in Madeira.  The first on the list is the wine, famous the world over for it’s longevity and strength; a wine with a higher alcohol content than anywhere else in the world-which meant, as crew, we couldn’t have any…well, we couldn’t take it on board anyway.  So, first stop?  Wine tasting.  That would give us just enough time so that we weren’t breaking any rules.  There are wine tastings at any of the tourist stops and when pressed for time, it is best to avoid the wineries all together and just get a sample (or two or ten) at the local gift shop, which is what we did, combining the wine tasting with a trip to the Cathedral and Botanical Gardens which is a bit of a hike but well worth it for the views.   I will confess, a couple of sips of that power-packed wine and I was already feeling a bit more chipper.  Is my left foot numb?  Yes, good wine.

We grab a taxi, well worth it if you can split the cost, if not, there is a good bus service or a more expensive but as far as I’m concerned excellent value of the Hop On Hop Off Bus, a favorite of mine in any city, but we don’t have the extra time needed for this extravagance and I wouldn’t recommend trying to walk it all unless you’re adventurous and have a bit of time as this is an extremely hilly area.   But a trek to the top affords us some pretty awesome views.  There is a breath taking and death defying cable car ride but as my companion was deathly afraid of heights, we opted to take some comedy shots of me hanging off a swing set instead.  But even if you opt out of the cable car ride, go to the launch site as there is a beautiful, glass paneled platform that will give you amazing views and photo opportunities for even the most fearful of aerial travelers though I wouldn’t necessarily recommend doing the shoulder commando photo shoot climbing over the ledge action that we….never mind.     

This is also where one can find the world’s most ludicrous and overpriced toboggan ride.  It is world famous, dating back to 1850 when the rich and famous of Funchal, Madeira didn’t feel like walking downhill apparently.  So two men dressed in cotton shirts and straw hats will charge you lots of money to push you downhill in a wicker basket.  Honestly, it is the Portuguese equivalent of kissing the Blarney stone.  Yes, it’s corny.  Yes, it’s touristy.  Yes, everybody does it.

But if you’re a poor, creative type and just looking for a good laugh and an even better photo op, then you bypass the lines and find the nearest pile of crab boxes and push each other down the hill in these.   Which we did.  The results…epic!  And we even got a photo in the real thing when we climbed aboard the promo stand at the tourist office.  I mean, no we didn’t. 

A quick stop at the market, divided into three sections, flowers, fruit and fish, the three fs.  Samples and stories abound but since we couldn’t take anything on board with us, we just eat our way from stem to stern.  Isn’t that what they meant by sample the local culture?

Our last stop was the fishing village, where I had my own Little Mermaid moment out on the rocks.  Worth the effort for the spectacular views, the beautiful little, brightly colored fishing boats, which look like you’ve stepped right into a postcard, and the wonderful wealth of the people, who are more than ready to swap a story, a fish tale if you like, in a combination of Portuguese and broken English.  As I didn’t speak the language, I was a bit intimidated but since this is a resort town, in every nook and cranny you will find someone willing to translate  though somehow the exchange rate doesn’t quite seem the same with native speakers but I had also picked up a couple of phrases from our taxi driver.  It was clear from the friendly smiles and amused chuckles that my dialect was spot on and my attempt to blend in with the locals, unrivaled.  What, there are light skinned, blue eyed red heads in Portugal, right? 

We didn’t have time for the seafood or the music, something I’d like to enjoy should I ever return.  But my few short hours left me laughing so hard my tummy hurt.  They put a smile on my face and a skip in my step, though I did have to stretch after all the climbing.  But that little gem in the middle of the sea reaffirmed my faith.  Journey on SINGLEMARRIEDGIRL!